I’ve been feeling a little ‘meh’ about this birthday (which I suppose is to be expected the year after a milestone age). Happy birthday to me. Guess I’m forty-something now.
Partly this is due to looking back at past birthday / new year posts and feeling like I claim to have learnt the same lessons every year but never put them into practice. Change has to be gradual, I suppose, but I would like it to hurry up a bit. However, I am feeling fairly happy and positive about the upcoming year, and also feeling able to be more kind to myself going forward.
I have started my forties today as I mean to go on – running with friends, eating cake and playing videogames. It has been a wonderful birthday – but in some ways I’ll be celebrating all year, as befits a milestone.
I think, when I am at the end of my life – a long time in the future, I hope – if I am ever asked what the most significant decade for me was, I am certain that I will say it was my thirties.
Here are a couple of pictures of me on the first day of my thirties, 3rd January 2015.
In the morning having cake with family, and then dancing at my birthday party in the evening. I always had a drink in hand; I was overweight and hadn’t gone for a haircut in years; and I was in a lot of chronic pain and very unhappy. Also, that birthday was the last birthday I was allowed to have the correct number of candles on the cake, because my family were starting to get worried about the house burning down.
I was very much still carrying the chaos of my twenties with me. I was in poor health, partly genetic but mostly self-inflicted. I was trying to get a novel published, but I wouldn’t show it to a soul except for agents. I was about to move from Southampton to Newcastle the following month, and I was stressed, because I find moving incredibly stressful. At this point, I had never even been to Newcastle.
Life is so different a decade on.
I have such a changed understanding of my health and my body now. A few months after moving to Newcastle, I started running, and over the years it’s become the most important thing I do every day. Two years later, I decided to take control of my weight and lost five stone via Slimming World. Then another two years after that, I faced up to my alcohol addiction and quit drinking. All of this enabled me to be taken more seriously by doctors, and I finally had diagnoses for my ankylosing spondylitis and my asthma – issues that had affected me for my whole adult life. Daily living is so, so much better now that I am healthy, and I know that the lifestyle I’ve built will enable me to be a healthy and active older adult in the future.
When I turned thirty, I was upset that I hadn’t yet managed to become a published novelist. On the eve of my forties, I am still not a published novelist, and I’m fine with that. I understand now that these things happen when they’re meant to, and the progress I’ve made in my writing over the past ten years means more to me. That progress has, for the large part, come about via being brave enough to share my writing with others – through programming and publishing text adventure games and through reading my poems at poetry nights – and the helpful feedback and affirmation I’ve received through these processes. I still have dreams of being a novelist, and many works in progress, but it will happen in its own time.
When Geth and I moved to Newcastle, I saw it as just another temporary location, as I still very much wanted to return to Edinburgh eventually. I hadn’t really settled well in Southampton, and I didn’t imagine myself ever seeing anywhere other than Edinburgh as ‘home’. But now, Newcastle is absolutely my home, and I see myself living here forever. I had never even visited the city until we did a quick househunting trip three weeks before we moved here, but I have fallen in love with the place. It is where I feel most comfortable now.
Here are a couple of pictures of me from today, the final day of my thirties.
I ran, as usual – today it was a run to the Hard Rock Café for lunch and a souvenir. Then I spent the evening relaxing on my sofa, which is my favourite way to spend an evening. I don’t like going out later in the day, and that’s fine.
I am so excited for my forties. I am so much more confident and sure of myself and happy in my own skin, and I know I will achieve a lot. But it was what I did in my thirties that created the foundation for this confidence. I changed my own life, and I am so proud of myself for doing that.
It’s my thirty-ninth birthday today. I only have one year left of the extraordinary decade that is my thirties. I intend to make the most of it and be as ready as I can be for my forties, which I hope will be an even better decade for me.
I didn’t think I’d still be learning about myself at this age, but every year brings more wisdom, experience and confidence. This year I intend to say ‘no’ a lot more and focus on identifying the things that are right for me.
I celebrated my birthday with family, cake and presents under the Christmas tree in Edinburgh this morning, and am now back home in Newcastle for a quiet evening with pizza and TV.
With my birthday cake, made with care as ever by Dad. (c) John Cooke 2024.
I feel like I’ve barrelled through most of my thirties at a rate of knots – forty is definitely very much visible on the horizon – but so far it’s been a much better decade than my twenties and I’m feeling really positive about this age. As I get older I realise more and more that what is expected of me should not be the focus, and that life should be lived in the way that I feel is most right for me.
A lovely quiet birthday today with the usual cards and presents under the tree, birthday cheesecake made by Dad, and time to myself to relax.
I think, from today onwards, I may be slipping over the border towards ‘late thirties’ rather than ‘mid-thirties’. I am much more okay about this kind of border crossing than I used to be in my younger days. Life is getting better in most ways as I progress through it.
I had a nice normal birthday today (in contrast to last year) because I was able to spend the morning celebrating with family in Edinburgh before travelling back to Newcastle for the evening. I’ve got a few final days of Christmas to enjoy at home before the decorations disappear for another year.
Dad made me his usual delicious New York style cheesecake. Photo (c) John Cooke 2022.
The week in between Christmas Day and New Year’s Day is my favourite week of the year. Quiet days with lots of videogaming and Christmas food. (This year I’m going to try and make the following week special too… I never really get the chance to have a ‘birthday week’ as there’s always too much going on with New Year followed by the dreaded ‘back to school’ feeling, but I’m going to try. Focusing on this week first though!)
It’s been so long since my last stretch of free time that I’m a little overwhelmed by all the options, so I’m going to spend this afternoon planning them out so that I’m not dithering during the rest of the week and can just curl up with my chosen books/games/podcasts!
As a family we were very lucky with our haul again this year. Lots of things to enjoy later this week.
An unusual birthday today, like everybody else’s birthday during this strange year. I did the usual opening of birthday cards and presents under the Christmas tree, and the usual eating of birthday cake and drinking of (alcohol-free these days) fizz, but because I couldn’t be in Edinburgh this year it was in my own house under my own tree, with Mum and Dad on video call rather than in person. The birthday cake I made yesterday tasted just as it was supposed to, and I got some amazing presents, so it’s been a good birthday so far – it’s just felt a bit strange being at home in Newcastle. Like everything else over the past couple of weeks!
As usual, my birthday cards will be living under the tree until Christmas gets put away on 6th January.
Today’s earworm playlist:
will.i.am and Cody Wise – ‘It’s My Birthday’ Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan – ‘Especially For You’
However, a Christmas gift came in the post today to cheer me up. I’ve always been in Scotland (where 2nd January is a public holiday) for New Year in the past, so have never known post to arrive on the 2nd of January before.
The gift was a tree decoration from our family friend Chris. We always see her at New Year but obviously couldn’t this time round.
I also made my own birthday cake for the first time ever, with instruction from Dad over video call. I’ll be able to tell you tomorrow if it turned out okay!
Today’s earworm playlist:
The Weeknd – ‘Blinding Lights’ Coldplay – ‘Christmas Lights’ Heaven 17 – ‘Let Me Go’
I had a good weather window for my run this morning – no ice, no rain – so the only annoyance en route were the endless roadworks at the nearby roundabout, which have circled back round to the point where they get in the way of my mile route again! It got stormy again this afternoon, so I’m glad I got some fresh air while it was still dry.
Have spent the rest of the day editing for clients and catching up with admin. Another quiet evening in tonight before my midweek run and ukulele class tomorrow.
Not an OOTD: also nice to receive a belated birthday present in the post today. No note to say whom it’s from but I have my suspicions!
Today’s earworm playlist:
Lady Gaga – ‘Always Remember Us This Way’ Cast of Mary Poppins – ‘Chim Chim Cheree’ B*Witched – ‘Blame It On The Weatherman’
