My thirties: a review

I think, when I am at the end of my life – a long time in the future, I hope – if I am ever asked what the most significant decade for me was, I am certain that I will say it was my thirties.

Here are a couple of pictures of me on the first day of my thirties, 3rd January 2015.

30th birthday pictures
In the morning having cake with family, and then dancing at my birthday party in the evening. I always had a drink in hand; I was overweight and hadn’t gone for a haircut in years; and I was in a lot of chronic pain and very unhappy. Also, that birthday was the last birthday I was allowed to have the correct number of candles on the cake, because my family were starting to get worried about the house burning down.

I was very much still carrying the chaos of my twenties with me. I was in poor health, partly genetic but mostly self-inflicted. I was trying to get a novel published, but I wouldn’t show it to a soul except for agents. I was about to move from Southampton to Newcastle the following month, and I was stressed, because I find moving incredibly stressful. At this point, I had never even been to Newcastle.

Life is so different a decade on.

I have such a changed understanding of my health and my body now. A few months after moving to Newcastle, I started running, and over the years it’s become the most important thing I do every day. Two years later, I decided to take control of my weight and lost five stone via Slimming World. Then another two years after that, I faced up to my alcohol addiction and quit drinking. All of this enabled me to be taken more seriously by doctors, and I finally had diagnoses for my ankylosing spondylitis and my asthma – issues that had affected me for my whole adult life. Daily living is so, so much better now that I am healthy, and I know that the lifestyle I’ve built will enable me to be a healthy and active older adult in the future.

When I turned thirty, I was upset that I hadn’t yet managed to become a published novelist. On the eve of my forties, I am still not a published novelist, and I’m fine with that. I understand now that these things happen when they’re meant to, and the progress I’ve made in my writing over the past ten years means more to me. That progress has, for the large part, come about via being brave enough to share my writing with others – through programming and publishing text adventure games and through reading my poems at poetry nights – and the helpful feedback and affirmation I’ve received through these processes. I still have dreams of being a novelist, and many works in progress, but it will happen in its own time.

When Geth and I moved to Newcastle, I saw it as just another temporary location, as I still very much wanted to return to Edinburgh eventually. I hadn’t really settled well in Southampton, and I didn’t imagine myself ever seeing anywhere other than Edinburgh as ‘home’. But now, Newcastle is absolutely my home, and I see myself living here forever. I had never even visited the city until we did a quick househunting trip three weeks before we moved here, but I have fallen in love with the place. It is where I feel most comfortable now.

Here are a couple of pictures of me from today, the final day of my thirties.

Last day of my thirties
I ran, as usual – today it was a run to the Hard Rock Café for lunch and a souvenir. Then I spent the evening relaxing on my sofa, which is my favourite way to spend an evening. I don’t like going out later in the day, and that’s fine.

I am so excited for my forties. I am so much more confident and sure of myself and happy in my own skin, and I know I will achieve a lot. But it was what I did in my thirties that created the foundation for this confidence. I changed my own life, and I am so proud of myself for doing that.

…and a look ahead to 2025!

Happy New Year everyone! Geth and I are (unusually) at home in Newcastle for New Year, having a lovely peaceful time as we continue through the Christmas season.

This year’s New Year Resolutions:

  • Finally finish my de-hoarding in the house and get started on the decorating. I CAN do this.
  • Put some work into getting my creative energy back (largely by taking some downtime from my race training every now and again, which didn’t happen last year).
  • Run PBs in all four main running distances – they don’t have to be big PBs seeing as I’ve already improved so much over the last two years, but I do want to keep improving!
  • Make time for videogaming like it’s part of my job. It’s really important for my mental health.
  • Live a slightly quieter life again – fewer trips, fewer races etc. I thrive on daily/weekly routine and get distressed if things disrupt it. Special occasions are lovely but they need to be rare or I start to resent them rather than appreciating them. No more than two events/trips per month.
  • Don’t go back to regular scrolling of social media. I am so much happier since I took a permanent break from it.

Also, happy seventh birthday to my blog! I’ve not had much time for it this year (it’s often just been Phone Box Thursday posts keeping it going), but hopefully that will change in 2025.

2024 wrap-up…

It’s been a big year. I’m still very busy, and still in a probably lifelong process of trying to work out what the most important things in my life are and what I should be prioritising!

Business is still going well and is still nicely time-balanced, but I’ve become too reliant on a few ongoing contracts that are coming to an end. For 2025 I have some plans to branch out in both my main proofreading business and my side hustles.

I only released two short games this year. This is nowhere near my usual prolific release rate, but I just haven’t had the creative energy or motivation, largely due to being tired from my increased running mileage. It was great to be able to make those two games towards the end of the year, but I would really love to be able to complete something longer in 2025 – especially as my interest in writing poetry and prose fiction is also rekindling, and so there might be a few competing creative priorities.

It’s been another incredible year in running. I’ve got back to marathon training (Manchester and Yorkshire were both huge learning experiences), run my first ultra, and improved in my shorter distances as well. I set targets at the start of the year to run 30+ miles every single week, run a half marathon distance run at least once per month, and be more consistent with my strength training. I have achieved all of those and am very proud of myself. My daily run streak is still going strong too – fifth year completed today! I love running so much and I have made so many friends through it.

PB improvements in 2024:

  • 5k: 26:10 to 23:21 (2 minutes and 49 seconds)
  • 10k: 54:23 to 48:57 (5 minutes and 26 seconds)
  • Half marathon: 2:14:52 to 1:55:22 (19 minutes and 30 seconds)
  • Marathon: 6:26:41 to 4:16:30 (2 hours, 10 minutes and 11 seconds)

I visited TEN new-to-me parkruns this year, which made up for only doing one last year! I’ve now visited 38 different events in total. This year’s new ones visited were Blyth Links, Wythenshawe, Faskally Forest, Troon, Ruchill, Carlingwark Loch, Heaton Park, York, Fælledparken and Auldcathie District. Five of those were in Scotland (I have loved being able to visit the homeland a bit more than usual in 2024) and one was in Denmark, which was my fourth different official parkrun country. I was also really consistent with my parkrunning – I only missed one this year, due to a Saturday race!

Music-wise I pretty much entirely listened to Duran Duran until I got into the Christmas playlists earlier this month! I also went to see two gigs – OMD in Leeds and The Midnight here in Newcastle. I’m still very behind with my gig reviews, but hopefully I’ll be able to catch up in 2025.

Here and there I was able to make a bit more time for videogaming, which is great, because it’s the only thing that totally relaxes me and I would love to be able to do it more. This year I have finished Zak McKraken: Between Time and Space, Inside, Sam & Max season 2 (all three of those had been started a literal decade ago and I hadn’t got round to finishing them until now), Alba: A Wildlife Adventure, the third and final episode of the Sea of Thieves / Monkey Island collaboration, The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles (after playing it on and off for nearly three years!), Paper Mario, Etrian Odyssey HD (with the exception of the post-game, which I’ll get to in January) and Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc. I am also still working my way through Block-A-Pix Colour and Luigi’s Mansion, and have enjoyed some text adventures via the IF community.

My successes and failures regarding last year’s New Year Resolutions:

  • Get rid of at least half of the stuff in my house, preferably two-thirds. A lifetime of hoarding has left me with so much stuff I don’t use that’s just getting in my way. I’ve got to the point where I just want it gone. I am trying. I’ve got rid of a lot, but it’s complicated and often logistically difficult to get rid of stuff (I like to recycle and donate where possible). I really need to dedicate more time to this.
  • Spend six months making a polished game for IFComp (the biggest text adventure game competition of the year) rather than making six small, rushed games for smaller comps and jams and burning out by the middle of summer. Well, I didn’t make anything before IFComp (not for lack of trying!). But I found it very hard to make time for game-making this year, and so while I did finally manage to enter IFComp (which was an achievement), it was only a short game rather than the epic I envisaged.
  • Run big marathon PBs at Manchester and Yorkshire and continue to take chunks off my half marathon, 10k and 5k PBs. Smashed this goal – see above for details!
  • Be more focused with my strength training. I was. I am especially proud of my Yorkshire training block, during which I never missed a weekly strength session.
  • Try to work with my fickle changes in interest when it comes to my hobbies rather than fighting the former and seeing the latter as chores. Right now my biggest non-running passions are fashion and Duran Duran. At some point in 2024 it’ll be videogaming again. At some point, maybe in several years’ time, it might even be Doctor Who again. That is fine. It’s fine that I neglect some hobbies while I’m passionate about others. It doesn’t make me a bad fan or a bad person, and I don’t need to catch up with five years’ worth of online discussion all at once if I come back to something after a while. I feel like I am improving in this aspect and am able to roll with my changing interests a little more. I just wish I had more time to indulge in them!
  • Play ukulele again. And, in the spirit of the above, not be demoralised that I’ve pretty much forgotten how. I did not pick up any of my ukuleles (though I did find them a new place while moving stuff about in the house). However, in the spirit of the above, I am fine with that. Ukulele will be there when I’m ready.

I’ll post my look ahead to 2025 tomorrow!

Merry Christmas!

Geth and I are enjoying a few days of peace and quiet after what has been a fantastic year for us. I’ll be back in a few days’ time to post about 2024 at length, hopes for 2025, and Christmas parkrun adventures.

Christmas

We wish you a happy and peaceful Christmas and a wonderful New Year.

Thirty-nine

It’s my thirty-ninth birthday today. I only have one year left of the extraordinary decade that is my thirties. I intend to make the most of it and be as ready as I can be for my forties, which I hope will be an even better decade for me.

I didn’t think I’d still be learning about myself at this age, but every year brings more wisdom, experience and confidence. This year I intend to say ‘no’ a lot more and focus on identifying the things that are right for me.

I celebrated my birthday with family, cake and presents under the Christmas tree in Edinburgh this morning, and am now back home in Newcastle for a quiet evening with pizza and TV.

Birthday cake
With my birthday cake, made with care as ever by Dad. (c) John Cooke 2024.

…and this is 2024!

Happy New Year everyone! Still with the Cooke family for the Christmas break, with everyone here having a lovely festive season.

This year’s New Year Resolutions:

  • Get rid of at least half of the stuff in my house, preferably two-thirds. A lifetime of hoarding has left me with so much stuff I don’t use that’s just getting in my way. I’ve got to the point where I just want it gone.
  • Spend six months making a polished game for IFComp (the biggest text adventure game competition of the year) rather than making six small, rushed games for smaller comps and jams and burning out by the middle of summer.
  • Run big marathon PBs at Manchester and Yorkshire and continue to take chunks off my half marathon, 10k and 5k PBs.
  • Be more focused with my strength training.
  • Try to work with my fickle changes in interest when it comes to my hobbies rather than fighting the former and seeing the latter as chores. Right now my biggest non-running passions are fashion and Duran Duran. At some point in 2024 it’ll be videogaming again. At some point, maybe in several years’ time, it might even be Doctor Who again. That is fine. It’s fine that I neglect some hobbies while I’m passionate about others. It doesn’t make me a bad fan or a bad person, and I don’t need to catch up with five years’ worth of online discussion all at once if I come back to something after a while.
  • Play ukulele again. And, in the spirit of the above, not be demoralised that I’ve pretty much forgotten how.

And here’s the annual ‘happy birthday’ to my blog! It’s been going for six years now. Even though it’s mostly just parkrunday and Phone Box Thursday posts at the moment, I still really appreciate having an outlet that’s just mine.

So that was 2023…

I feel like I get busier and busier every year. Last year’s main resolution (‘be less busy’) most definitely did not happen!

Business is doing well. I’ve got a couple of important contracts at the moment that are providing me with steady work and will continue to do so in 2024. The day job (my proofreading business) is nicely balanced and provides me with time for all my side hustles and hobbies.

I released six games this year (seven if you count the short demo I put into SeedComp round 1), which equals my record from 2020. However, I wasn’t happy with the final releases of most of those games – they were all rushed due to jam and competition deadlines – and so in 2024 I want to focus on taking my time and making a quality product. As such, I expect I’ll only release two or three games next year.

Running has been an extraordinary journey this year. At the start of the year, I was still really struggling with my ankylosing spondylitis, and after a disastrous half marathon in February, I had to defer my place in Manchester Marathon to 2024. However, I was able to start biologic therapy for the spondylitis in the summer, and the pain has all but disappeared – meaning that I could finally start training properly in a way I’ve never been able to do before. My mileage is up to a baseline of 30 miles a week, and all the extra running has paid off – I’m hitting PBs I could never have dreamt of this time last year. The only thing that I felt was missing in 2023 was my annual attempt at the marathon, and I’m going to make up for that in 2024 with two marathons and an ultra. I feel like I’m finally free to discover what I’m actually capable of in running, and I’m so excited to see what I can do in the marathon.

The extra running has also meant that I’ve finally been able to shift the pandemic pounds and am back down in my ideal weight range! Which means I can run even faster. I’m in a really good place with health and fitness. I still owe a lot to the Town Moor Bench Runners (Benchies), as it means I’m out for a social run with them three times a week and have a really good running routine as a result.

I only visited one new-to-me parkrun this year (Denton Dene, which started in west Newcastle this summer), but I hope to do a few more in 2024! I also completed the fourth year of my daily run streak today – with a half marathon, which feels like such a different thing from what it did at the start of the year. I’ve run every day since 1st January 2020 and have no plans to give up the streak any time soon!

Music-wise I mostly listened to Duran Duran, including their new Hallowe’en album, which I really enjoyed. I also went to see them in May, which was fantastic as ever! My only other gig of the year was seeing Holly Johnson in November. I’m going to start catching up with belated reviews of these gigs soon.

I don’t think I watched any new TV and films this year, with the exception of the annual Strictly series and The Super Mario Bros. Movie (which we bought on BluRay – no cinema visits in 2023). I sometimes semi-watch what Geth puts on the TV in the evenings, but as ever it’s mostly YouTube.

Videogaming was a bit of a wash, as I just didn’t have time with all my other stuff going on (and I’m not the kind of person who can just grab an hour for gaming here and there – I need a whole day). However, I did play and complete Final Fantasy II (largely because Geth wanted to play the Switch version and I didn’t want to be spoilered), played two out of three episodes of the Sea of Thieves / Monkey Island collaboration (I need to find time for the third in the new year), and finally finished Bravely Default II after playing it on and off for over two years. I’m still working on The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles… hoping to get it finished soon!

My successes and failures regarding last year’s New Year Resolutions:

  • House stuff and decluttering 1: wear (or get rid of) (or both) every item in my wardrobe, with possible allowed keepsake exceptions such as my wedding dress. Clothes are the biggest decluttering target for me. Um… well, I’m a lot more aware of what’s in my wardrobe due to my ongoing use of the YourCloset app to log what I’m wearing. I have donated a lot of clothes, but I have so many. I’ll get back to this project with a vengeance in the new year.
  • House stuff and decluttering 2: paint at least one room. A fail. I really did want to, and I still have the paint ready. Hopefully soon.
  • Rollover from last year 1: finish at least one of my longstanding unfinished game projects. I suppose Lucid Night and Marie Waits might count, as they were both originally planned quite a few years ago!
  • Running 1: do better in races than last year. This is a fairly low bar to clear. It was indeed a low bar, but I cleared it in style. I have huge new PBs in the half marathon, 10k and 5k distances.
  • Running 2: run more races than last year. I miss 10ks. Another definite success! In contrast to last year’s four races, I ran eleven this year – including five 10ks.
  • Running 3 and rollover from last year 2: take part in parkrun every possible parkrunday. I’m not intending to travel to any non-parkrun countries so it should be doable if I’m lucky with health and weather. Not quite. But I did do pretty well this year – I only missed three (four if you include Christmas Day, which I never attend).
  • Rollover from last year 3: catch up with Doctor Who. Nope. Too busy! I’m still buying the BluRays, so I’ll catch up with it at some point.
  • Rollover from last year 4 and the most important on the list: prioritise videogaming. I did sometimes, but at other times, other things took priority. This is something that can be a bit dependent on my fluctuating interests.

Resolutions for 2024 tomorrow! They’ll be similar, but I want to make a bit of a fresh start this time round.

Merry Christmas!

I’ve done my best to clear the decks for a good break this Christmas, so I’m trying to do as little as possible. Hope everyone reading has a lovely festive season!

Pleased to say I survived Whamageddon for the first time ever! This was largely due to a noble act by Geth at parkrun on Saturday morning – someone was playing the song on the start line, he recognised it and dragged me away before I could hear it (his hearing is a lot better than mine), sacrificing himself to Whamhalla in the process. In future years I’ll be taking myself out of the game by playing the song in the early hours of 1st December – the last few days have been a bit unexpectedly stressful! I did really enjoy playing the video on YouTube at 2am this morning though!

A lovely early run with my headtorch this morning to start the day, and soon we’ll be having breakfast and presents with the family.

Christmas

Thirty-eight

I feel like I’ve barrelled through most of my thirties at a rate of knots – forty is definitely very much visible on the horizon – but so far it’s been a much better decade than my twenties and I’m feeling really positive about this age. As I get older I realise more and more that what is expected of me should not be the focus, and that life should be lived in the way that I feel is most right for me.

A lovely quiet birthday today with the usual cards and presents under the tree, birthday cheesecake made by Dad, and time to myself to relax.

Birthday cheesecake