Tag: Sobriety

I can safely have alcohol-free fruit cider now. That was a big discovery during the seventh year.

When I was first sober, I absolutely could not safely have alcohol-free fruit cider. Real cider was my drink of choice when still in active alcoholism, and in those early days, I found that drinking the AF stuff made me want the real stuff. As such, I avoided it like the plague for years. But I felt stable enough by this last year to have a few cautious sips of the AF version again, and now it feels like fruit juice. I’m really happy about that as it’s an option offered by a lot of pubs.

Geth doesn’t drink much these days either. He finds his health and running is much better as a result. It’s nice that we can be alcohol-free together and it makes life so much easier.

There are so many more AF drink options available now. It’s becoming less and less frequent that I have to settle for a Diet Coke.

I still have the nightmares about relapsing. Mind you, I still have them about cigarettes too, and I quit smoking in 2008. Maybe it’s just my subconscious’s way of keeping me alert and not taking anything for granted.

I have reached the stage now where I’m generally comfortable in my sobriety. I don’t have to avoid booze aisles in supermarkets anymore. I am a non-drinker, just as I am a vegetarian. To most extents and purposes, it is a dietary choice.

There are little things that remind me not to be complacent, though. The stressful days when I long for something to take the edge off. The occasional nightmares where I’m blind drunk and out of control. Those dreams are horrible, but they are necessary. They make me remember that I can’t take anything for granted, that I’m only one stupid decision or moment of carelessness away from ruining the wonderful sober life I’ve built.

I don’t look at the online sobriety communities anymore – this is part of my indefinite social media break – as I now feel able to rely on myself and on people around me who understand. But I know they’re there if I need them.

It’s funny to think it’s been half a decade since I last drank alcohol. The time seems to have gone so quickly.

There are still tiny things I miss. Being able to go into a bar and look glamorous holding a glass with a stem, rather than a tumbler. (I replicate this at home with alcohol-free fizz in champagne flutes, but options are limited in bars.) Spending silly money on fancy luxury champagne because it’s a special occasion. That kind of thing.

But that’s not what I usually did, of course. What I usually did was get a cheap crate of Strongbow and drink it straight from the can. The crate would be empty by the end of the day. It was the opposite of glamorous.

My life is immeasurably better without alcohol. It can be more challenging without that escape button to press, but it is better. I am fitter, healthier, more mindful. I make better decisions. I am calmer.

I never want to go back.

I don’t have much to report this year – just another year of quiet and peaceful sobriety. I have settled into it now and don’t feel I need as much support as I used to, though I still appreciate reading the occasional memoir by sober public figures.

There are still occasionally moments that remind me I can’t be complacent about it, and honestly that’s a good reminder to have. But on the whole I am comfortable and happy and I don’t want to go back to drinking. Life is nice without it.

Three years in, I have settled into sobriety a lot more. I no longer read books about it or do much frequenting of the support communities I used to follow online. It’s been a long time since I had nightmares about accidental drinking. I know what all my go-to booze alternatives are on the rare occasion I find myself in drinking establishments, and in celebratory circumstances (I had a lot of Nosecco and similar over Christmas but I usually prefer to stick to Fanta Zero in the evenings).

I have learnt to handle stress without drinking, although there have been times recently where I feel my mental health is being impacted by the lack of an ‘off switch’ and I am still trying to work out what the replacement ‘off switch’ could be. I am mostly able to look at alcohol and think ‘I don’t have that’ (similarly to not eating meat), rather than ‘I wish I could…’. On the whole, I do not think I am at high risk of drinking again, though of course I know I can’t be complacent about it.

Importantly, I don’t want to drink again. I am, thankfully, starting to forget what it felt like to be in a near-constant state of cumulative hangover, but I know my life is much better now. There’s no reason to go back.

(No picture today. I have run out of ‘thoughtful scenery pictures to illustrate blog posts about sobriety’.)