Streaks, making things whole and letting things go

In recent years – and certainly since I got sober at the start of 2019 – I’ve been in the habit of daily streaks. I started a 4thewords (writing RPG) streak in December 2018, a daily run streak in January 2020 and a Duolingo streak in June 2022. Longest of all, though, has been my daily streak on this blog. I’ve published at least one blog post every day since I started the blog on 1st January 2018.

Streaks are a really good motivational tool for keeping up a habit, and are usually rewarded on systems such as 4thewords and Duolingo (both of which do have mechanisms for repairing a streak if you forget or need a break). Part of the reason I’m attracted to them is because I’ve started so many hobbies and projects over the years that have just petered out because I don’t prioritise them. If you have a streak going with something, you have to prioritise it, even if it’s just for a few minutes a day.

Recently, though, I’ve had so many of these things ongoing that they’ve started to become a bit overwhelming and I’ve felt like they’ve been taking up a significant chunk of my time. However, I’ve been really loath to let any of them go, and I’ve recognised in the last couple of months that this is connected to my hoarding and addiction issues. I’ve made really good progress with the hoarding this year, and so I’ve been trying to apply that experience to help me let go of a few of my streaks.

I gave up the 4thewords streak a few weeks ago. It was getting to the point where I was so obsessed with logging every word I wrote that it was sometimes taking an hour or more, and since I stopped doing it I’ve realised how subconsciously entangled it was with my day (because I couldn’t write anything at all without noting it down to add to my 4tw files later on). I’ve also largely moved away from the reason I started doing it – my prose fiction writing – as most of my creative efforts go into my text adventure games now. As such, I’ve not missed it at all and my life has become a little bit easier.

I’m going to keep going with my run streak (which is huge for my mental health) and my Duolingo streak, which can take less than ten minutes on days when I’m busy. But I need to avoid adding any more daily habits to the to-do list, as they mount up so easily.

One thing I have been finding positive is the Codecademy weekly streak. You only have to do a short lesson once a week to keep the streak going, and that feels so much more manageable and less stressful (and also keeps it fun, which is important). I also don’t feel upset when I break my weekly streak by having a few weeks away from it, as it doesn’t feel addictive in the way that daily streaks do.

All of this means that I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my blog going forward. Keeping the daily streak has meant that most of my posts are short filler entries, especially recently, and it takes me a long time to compose them as there’s often nothing I can think of to say.

As such, a few weeks ago, I decided that from the start of 2023, I would only blog when I needed and wanted to blog. I will keep going with my parkrunday and Phone Box Thursday posts, as I enjoy those, but all other posts will be spontaneous rather than an obligation. I think I will enjoy blogging much more as a result. I thought the start of 2023 would be a good time to make this change, as I was spending 2022 working towards the ‘blog every day in a calendar year’ badge over on FetchEveryone by syndicating all my blog posts from here, and so I wanted to get that finished first…

…and then this last Thursday, I forgot to syndicate my phone box post to Fetch (I ticked it off my to-do list by mistake as I was so tired) and just like that, blew all the daily progress I’d made towards the badge over the last nearly eleven months. Sigh.

So there’s no reason not to give up my blog streak now. I feel a bit uncomfortable not ‘making the streak whole’ by rounding it out to five years, but that’s an issue in itself, and I think it would be braver and better to let it go now. So tomorrow, I won’t blog. Which is absolutely terrifying, but it will make my life happier from this point on. Of that I am certain.

(There are a few more bits and pieces of streaks here and there that I could also do with letting go, largely involving daily visits to various web forums and things like that. I’ll try and work on those next year.)

Being more comfortable

House projects are going well at the moment. I am mostly reorganising things (got some new crates on the way from Amazon later this week – super exciting I know!). Decluttering is an ongoing process and my hoarding tendencies make it hard. I’m planning to make a bit of a ‘station’ for it in the next few days so that it doesn’t take over the house.

I’m getting some good gaming time in this week as well. There have been a lot of times this year when I’ve been so busy with TechUP or my game projects or other things that I just haven’t scheduled enough time into the day to switch my brain off properly. I’m trying to make that a priority for the rest of the year.

Plans make everything better

Geth and I have got quite a lot happening over the summer, as I might have mentioned. Summers were always busy in the past but this is something I need to get used to again after a couple of quieter pandemic years. My natural ‘happy place’ is sitting on my sofa at home – going out and doing things is always lovely when I get there, but I find it quite difficult being out of my usual routine.

I do always feel better when things are planned out though. We’re doing a short trip this weekend and Geth has done the itinerary for it today, meaning I’m quite excited for it now (because I can visualise much better what I’ll be doing – and, importantly, where I’m running!).

More manic than blue Monday

(Yes, my ’80s pop playlist is back on heavy repeat. Can you tell?)

I expected to be struggling a bit today for various reasons (mostly outwith my control). I’m not, but let’s leave it at that. It’s been a busy day, certainly.

And here’s the only ‘Blue Monday’ I want to hear about today (like many people I expect):

Eyes on the autumn

Twelve days to go until meteorological autumn begins. I am very excited.

Things have been quite well timed this week. Geth and I returned home from the last of our summer trips away on Tuesday, and I finished the last items for the last of my big summer work projects on Wednesday. Work has been very busy over the spring and summer, which has been great, but it’s starting to quieten down again now. I’ll be taking the opportunity over the next few weeks to get a new game made and to have some downtime with my much-neglected videogame collection. I’m also in the sharp end of marathon training now, so I need to get some rest and relaxation in when I’m not running!

I’m finding it hard to get out of the ‘I should be doing something work-related right now’ guilt and letting myself relax, but that’s sort of understandable after so many months. I hope I’ll feel a bit more settled in a week’s time.

Mull of Galloway
So many pictures from our last trip! This is another one from the Mull of Galloway.

This week’s earworm playlists:

Saturday

S-Express – ‘Theme From S-Express’

Sunday

Grant Lee Buffalo – ‘The Whole Shebang’
Shoji Meguro – ‘Heretic Mansion’
Duran Duran and Chai – ‘More Joy’

Monday

Duran Duran – ‘Reach Up For The Sunrise’

Tuesday

The Crüxshadows – ‘Return’
Fleetwood Mac – ‘Don’t Stop’
Duran Duran and Chai – ‘More Joy’
The Corries – ‘Wild Mountain Thyme’

Wednesday

Peter Gabriel – ‘Games Without Frontiers’

Thursday

Duran Duran – ‘What Happens Tomorrow’
Duran Duran – ‘Invisible’

Friday

The B-52s – ‘Roam’

1,096 days

I broke a record today.

Faroe Islands, 1986
In a Faroese town centre with Dad, July 1986.

My previous lifetime record for consecutive days spent in the UK was 1,095 days. With Mum and Dad, I sailed back from our holiday in the Faroe Islands to Shetland on 7th July 1986. I then didn’t leave the UK again until 6th July 1989, when I sailed from England to France with Mum, Dad and Malcolm. During that three-year period we did get on a lot of ferries – we were visiting my grandparents in Shetland a lot as my grandmother was poorly by then – but it wasn’t until that French trip in 1989 that we went abroad again.

France, 1989
In a French town centre with Mum, July 1989.

Growing up in the 1990s I was lucky enough to travel a lot with the family. We went abroad almost every year, usually to continental Europe but sometimes to North America too. In my late teens I often went on holiday abroad with friends, and after I met Geth, while most of our travelling was UK-based, we typically ventured out to other countries once a year or so, usually to coincide with one of his academic conferences or work trips.

2018 was the last such trip to date. Geth was meeting international colleagues in Toronto, and we decided to combine that with a holiday as it was an opportunity to visit Malcolm and Steff. Mum and Dad were able to match the dates for their planned trip to Toronto too, and so it was a lovely get-together with the family. I flew back from Toronto and arrived in Edinburgh on the morning of 25th July 2018. That was 1,096 days ago – exactly three years. I haven’t left the UK since.

Canada, July 2018
In a Canadian city centre by myself, July 2018. Mum and Dad were around somewhere though!

I had no idea it would be my last trip abroad for such a long time. Breaking this particular record was obviously not my plan! I passed on joining Geth on a work trip to Oslo in June 2019, as I was really busy with work and other things at the time, but I had a ticket to see Duran Duran in Dublin in June 2020, and we planned to go back to Toronto in summer 2020, and we wanted to have a couple of city breaks in Paris and Amsterdam in autumn 2020…

Yeah. 2020.

It’s funny how much I took travelling for granted before. There were lots of places in the world I wanted to see, and the only things stopping me from seeing them were time, money and the anxiety I always have around travelling due to mental issues with routine. It never occurred to me, pre-pandemic, that the world would ever be in a situation where I simply wouldn’t be allowed to go to these places (or that it would be so logistically difficult and/or risky that it wouldn’t be worth it). Nowadays, as I sit in the house watching cities like Sydney and Tokyo and New Orleans and Johannesburg and Barcelona and Rio de Janeiro fly by, in documentaries and films and videogames on my screens, and in the pages of the books I read, and the academic works I edit, and the stories I write myself… I always think the same old thing I always did. ‘I’ll go there someday!’ And then I feel sad, because I don’t know when that will be possible again in the same way that it was before. Years away, perhaps.

I had a ticket to see Duran Duran in Dublin in June 2020. Then I had a ticket to see Duran Duran in Dublin in June 2021. Now I have a ticket to see Duran Duran in Dublin in June 2022. I hope it happens. I hope the world won’t make me go a whole quarter of a decade or more without seeing my brother, whom I last saw in person on my birthday in January 2020. I hope I’ll be running parkruns in Paris and Amsterdam next year. But the last year and a half has taught me that I can’t be certain.

I can hope, though. I really, really hope that the world will go back to what we once thought of as normality.

Until then I will just keep patiently counting days. And hope that I am setting a record I will never break again!

Trying not to burn out

I didn’t have much of a weekend last week because I was too busy with work, and I’ve been working every evening till late this week as well. As such, I have zero brainspace left and I need some time off. Part of the reason I worked evenings this week was because I wanted today off so that I could have a three-day weekend, as I knew that the first day would just be a ‘staring into space’ recovery day after the last few weeks. I also aimed to do my weekend long run today in order to get it out of the way early. However it’s been really, really hot today – too hot for running comfortably – and I ended up cutting the run short after halfway, as the heat was making it unsafe. Next week I’ll get up really early so I can get out and back in before the heat gets too bad.

I’m really looking forward to the rest of the weekend now. Brain rest will be amazing.

Sofa
Laptop, loungewear, sofa. It’s been that way for weeks, but this weekend it will be that way in a non-work way.

This week’s earworm playlists:

Saturday

Koichi Sugiyama – ‘Dragon Quest Town Theme’
Duran Duran – ‘Invisible’

Sunday

Nobuo Uematsu – ‘Chocobo Jam’
Paula Abdul – ‘Straight Up’

Monday

Nobuo Uematsu – ‘Yuna’s Theme’
Duran Duran – ‘Give It All Up’
Simply Red – ‘Something Got Me Started’

Tuesday

Nobuo Uematsu – ‘To Zanarkand’
Cast of The Sound Of Music – ‘Edelweiss’

Wednesday

Duran Duran – ‘Pressure Off’

Thursday

Robbie Williams – ‘Time For Change’
Duran Duran – ‘Winter Marches On’
Duran Duran – ‘My Antarctica’

Friday

Nobuo Uematsu – ‘Yuna’s Theme’

Spacing the return

This summer and beyond is starting to come together in terms of ‘gradually poking my nose back out into the outside world’. I’ve got six real races booked for the remainder of the year, with hopefully a seventh to be added when entries open, and it looks like there’s absolutely no problems with them going ahead. The restart of parkrun has been delayed from the 5th to the 26th of June (which selfishly I’m pleased about because it means the first one back doesn’t clash with a race for me), and hopefully they’ll be able to confirm enough events in the interim that the new date will go ahead. I’m excited to get back to group running again!

Geth and I will also be seeing family a few times over the next few months, but we’re adamant that that’s the only thing we’re doing that involves travel (apart from the London Marathon in October, which has been booked for a long time). Travel is very difficult for both of us – I have mental health issues about being out of routine that have become ever more obvious over the last two and a half years since I quit drinking, and Geth’s constant travelling contributed to his seizure and subsequent hospitalisation in March 2020. As such, it’s something that we know we have to minimise in the future, and so we won’t be doing nearly as many things away from home as we used to do pre-pandemic.

Finding a balance is going to be quite tough.

Choose Your Own Adventure books
Some new reading material. I’ve been enjoying reading my old childhood gamebooks again recently (the Asterix ones are fab!) so I added some more to an Amazon order to qualify for free delivery 🙂

This week’s earworm playlists:

Saturday

Murray Gold – ‘Doomsday’
Michael Land – ‘The Swamp’
Duran Duran – ‘Five Years’

Sunday

Michael Land and Clint Bajakian – ‘Opening Credits Part #1’
Fisherman’s Friends – ‘Bully In The Alley’

Monday

Fisherman’s Friends – ‘Bully In The Alley’
Blink-182 – ‘All The Small Things’
The Offspring – ‘Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)’
Patti Smith – ‘Because The Night’

Tuesday

The Running Channel – ‘Run With Me’

Wednesday

Duran Duran – ‘Invisible’
Carter USM – ‘And God Created Brixton’

Thursday

Duran Duran – ‘Invisible’

And a bonus track Geth was humming that day:

Lisa Lougheed – ‘Run With Us’

Friday

Mark Knopfler – ‘Local Hero’
Duran Duran – ‘Invisible’

No room at the inn

My week has been very busy, in the way that a lot of my weeks have been very busy during lockdown. Lots of day job work, lots of working on my own creative projects (writing and coding), a bit of running but not as much as is ideal due to a bad hip, quite a lot of strength training to try and fix said hip, and a lot of playtesting and competition-judging other people’s text adventures (the most fun part of my day and a good way to give back to a community that is giving me so much joy at the moment).

I’ve been working really hard recently and it’s been paying off. There have been a few developments in my editing business that I’ll talk about later in the year, I’m starting to get bits and bobs of writing published, and my text adventures are doing well and getting a good reception. I hit RED day 500 this morning – my 500th day running in a row – which is enabling me to feel like I’m still achieving things with my running even though I’m having a bad time of it with my hip and a general lack of energy at the moment.

All of this has been made possible by the pandemic allowing me to sit on my sofa all day long and get things done. I am one of the people for whom lockdown has, on the whole, been beneficial – of course I’ve had my anxious moments like everyone else, as I really don’t deal well with uncertainty, but in general I have been really, really happy having an excuse to stay home. I’ve realised more than ever that I don’t actually like leaving my house, and that it’s okay not to like leaving your house. The real anxiety I have now is adapting to the world going back to normal again. I’ve said for probably a year now that I won’t just be able to jump back into my life as it was pre-pandemic; there were a lot of things I used to do that, I have realised, caused a lot of unnecessary stress. Constantly going out to group activities and classes, gigs and races every week, travelling every other weekend… I can’t go back to all that. My personal return to normality is going to have to be very gradual, and there are a lot of things I probably never will do again.

Learning to say ‘no’, to myself as much as to anyone else, is probably going to be my biggest challenge this year. I’ve found out how important it is to feel in control of my own time. It’s a precious thing, and I’m not going to give it up.

Lego USB stick
Life is starting to fit into place, gradually.

This week’s earworm playlists:

Saturday

Michael Land and Clint Bajakian – ‘Opening Credits Part #1’
Whitesnake – ‘Here I Go Again ’87’*

Sunday

Patti Smith – ‘Because The Night’
Dee Cooke – ‘Control Room’

Monday

Dee Cooke – ‘Outside Building’
Fisherman’s Friends – ‘Sailor Ain’t A Sailor’

Tuesday

Whitesnake – ‘Here I Go Again ’87’

Wednesday

Fisherman’s Friends – ‘Haul Away Joe’

Thursday

Pet Shop Boys – ‘Opportunities (Let’s Make Lots Of Money)’
Duran Duran – ‘Tel Aviv’

Friday

Michael Land and Clint Bajakian – ‘Crete’
Duran Duran – ‘Save A Prayer’
Talking Heads – ‘Once In A Lifetime’
Ed Sheeran – ‘Lego House’

*RIP Tawny Kitaen.

Making space

I found myself burning out a bit this week. The last couple of months have been very productive but also a bit manic, and I’ve realised I need a bit of a break, so I’ve pared down a few of my activities. I log daily or weekly streaks for just about everything I do, because I find it’s the only way I can keep up with things – I’m very obsessional about my hobbies but also very fickle, so I’ll spend a few weeks obsessed with playing videogames and then a few weeks obsessed with making games instead and then a few weeks where running is my main passion… Maintaining daily streaks such as my run streak is the best way I’ve found to make sure that hobbies don’t get neglected during times when they’re not my main ‘thing’. However, when I have a lot of these streaks going, they become overwhelming and take over my life. As such, sometimes I have to decide to let go of some of them, and that can be really hard when I’ve put so much effort into keeping the streak going for so long.

This week I had to quit the Fetchpoint game again. The game involves going out every day and collecting tokens, including a red bug token that appears daily in your local circle and needs to be collected and taken out of the circle in order to be ‘squished’. You get bonus points for a bug-free circle at the end of the day and minus points if there are any bugs remaining. If you squish your bug for thirty days in a row, you get a badge. I have been chasing this badge for a long time and very nearly had it in September – unfortunately, after I ran the Virtual GNR, I felt too ill to collect my bug for that day and so the attempt came to an end. I started playing again in March to make a fresh attempt, but other areas of life have meant that some days I just don’t have time for the two-hour walk that a bug hunt often requires. It’s been a frustrating experience, and so I’ve given up again for the time being. Hopefully there’ll be a time in the summer or autumn when things are a bit quieter.

I’m looking forward to a quiet bank holiday weekend. A bit of running and walking, but mainly just sitting on my sofa with my game code 🙂

Next door's cat
It really makes me laugh when I open my front door to find this familiar figure sitting on top of my car and staring at me balefully! He was still there when I got back from my run thirty-five minutes later.

This week’s earworm playlists:

Saturday

Michael Land – ‘On The Hill’
Sia – ‘Cheap Thrills’
MC Hammer – ‘U Can’t Touch This’

And a bonus track that Geth was humming that day:

Michael Land – ‘Phatt Island Waterfall’

Sunday

Michael Land – ‘Upstairs At The Hotel’
Freddie Mercury and Montserrat Caballé – ‘Barcelona’
Public Image Ltd. – ‘Rise’
Levellers – ‘Julie’

Monday

Dee Cooke – ‘Control Room’
Michael Land – ‘On The Hill’
MC Hammer – ‘U Can’t Touch This’
Michael Land – ‘Upstairs At The Hotel’

Tuesday

Michael Land – ‘Upstairs At The Hotel’
Princess Superstar and The High & Mighty – ‘Bad Babysitter’

Wednesday

Dee Cooke – ‘Control Room’
Pride & Fall – ‘December’
Michael Land – ‘On The Hill’

Thursday

Michael Land – ‘The Barbery Coast’

Friday

Cole Porter – ‘Anything Goes’
Michael Land – ‘On The Hill’